Strictly the Latin round, blow by blow…
Sunday, 20 September 2009
It’s almost 2am and I’ve only just caught up with tonight’s Strictly. Went to see Ben Hur Live at the O2 tonight, and if you thought Strictly was the campest form of entertainment available on a Saturday night, you were wrong. The marching centurions were more Butlins than the Girls Aloud routine of Strictly series 4. Also, a fire-eater set his own hair on fire. Amazing chariot race though. I want a pony.
So, after Friday’s ballroom blitz, the prospect of some hot Latin action was thrilling. Well, except for the fact that the ballroom round was a bit rubbish, Latin is usually tougher for celebs to sell – oh, yes, and the dances were rhumba and cha-cha-cha. Joy. I did wonder why it is that no one pointed out that they’re basically the same dance. Very different moods, but fundamentally the same steps except with a four-and-one for cha and a fourrrr-one for rhumba, and the same technique of needing to straighten the weight-bearing leg for both. Obviously, hardly anyone actually straightened their legs in either dance tonight, but hey, everyone loves Alesha’s cha-cha…
Jade Johnson and Ian Waite
Dance: cha-cha-cha
Music: Ain’t No Other Man (Christina Aguilera)
Another interesting fact omitted from the show tonight: Jade danced a cha-cha with Roger Black for Sport Relief a year or two ago. So not entirely unfamiliar territory for her, and she sold the dance pretty well. It was good to see an Ian cha-cha – his first with a celebrity partner since Zoe Ball in 2005. (I’m not sure wardrobe are going in the right direction with him, though. Last time I saw a garment like that shirt…thing, its wearer was dancing in a cage at a nightclub. Do not want.) Anyway, I thought Jade needed to work on straightening her legs, but it was a very solid start, and better than her waltz last night.
Ali Bastian and Brian Fortuna
Dance: rhumba
Music: That’s What Friends Are For (Dionne Warwick et al)
My mum commented that Ali looks like Paris Hilton right before she danced tonight, which was really distracting.
The expectation was on for Ali after a good start on the waltz on Friday. She delivered with a nice rhumba. Yup, it’s the n word again! The girl can definitely dance, and there’s a level of polish to her performances that I’ve not really seen on anyone else’s yet. Brian’s doing a very good job (and looked better in his shiny silver shirt than the wine waiter jacket) and there must be a connection there, which I’d like to see more of. The music didn’t do it for me, though. It was too nice, not sexy, romantic or passionate enough, and the harmonica bit briefly took me back to summer holidays in the 80s with endless repeats of The Littlest Hobo. Maybe tomorrow I’ll wanna settle down… I want to see them not be nice, so hopefully they’ll get a tango or paso next. If they can make the paso doble nice, I’ve underestimated them.
Lynda Bellingham and Darren Bennett
Dance: cha-cha-cha
Music: Don’t Go Breaking My Heart (Elton John and Kiki Dee. Or Ru Paul. I like the Ru Paul version myself.)
Uh oh – Darren’s broken out the Elton John greatest hits again, and we all know what THAT means. Well, except Lynda’s cha-cha probably won’t be sanctified like The Jill Jive. It was a bit on the slow side – in fact, I’ve seen continents move faster than Lynda’s Cuban breaks – but I loved her huge smile all the way through. Even when she went all wrong, she just kept smiling, and that made me smile. She and Darren have a level of interaction in their routines that I enjoy, even if she’s not a great dancer. She knows she’ll never be the best dancer, but she’s not John Sergeant, either, and Darren worked wonders with Letitia, so I’d like to see them get through a few weeks. Darren’s hair was no better than Friday though.
Rav Wilding and Aliona Vilani
Dance: rhumba
Music: Temptation
After the tango last night, I Tweeted to Rav suggesting that making his hands nice would be a good thing. He didn’t listen because his hands were still horrible. But I actually rather liked his rhumba. It’s hard to argue with Len in that there was a lot of posturing and posing, and I fear Aliona’s inexperience with the ways of Strictly will let them down – illegal lifts, pose-y rhumbas – next thing you know she’ll be faffing about with capes in the paso. Rav could only dance the routine he was given, and if he wants higher marks in the future his pro needs to give him more actual steps to do. But I thought he had the mood and story of the dance spot on, and I feel he could progress.
Chris Hollins and Ola Jordan
Dance: rhumba
Music: Don’t Know Much
Ola’s never had much luck with her celebs on Strictly. They’ve either gone out too soon (Spoony) or just been rubbish (Kenny Logan, Andrew Castle). That’s probably contributed to my not rating her especially highly as a Strictly pro. But I’m beginning to think that the fault has been entirely with her partners, because something fantastic has happened to her: Chris Hollins.
I had him mentally pencilled in as a no-hoper before the start of the series, but how wrong he has proved me. Just as his tango was my favourite dance of the ballroom round, so his rhumba was my favourite Latin dance of the evening. Of course it wasn’t perfect – his hands need work and so does his hip action (though his legs were less bendy than most) – but he moved well, captured the essence of the dance, and completely defied the usual convention of male celebs struggling to find the intimacy for rhumba. It’s all down to the very tangible chemistry he’s developed with Ola and it’s lovely to see. So was James’s reaction backstage. (Brave man, sending his wife out to dance with another bloke wearing a couple of hankies tied together with shoelaces.)
Joe Calzaghe and Kristina Rihanoff
Dance: cha-cha-cha
Music: Chain of Fools (Aretha Franklin)
Oh, God, I was really hoping to have something good to say about this. Apparently so were the judges. I hope they have very secure locks on their dressing room doors. But it’s just hard to find very much positive about Joe’s cha-cha. He did smile more – though it was intermittent, and the overall effect every time he remembered he needed to smile was a bit rictus-like – and appeared to enjoy himself, especially when he got to do some boxing. Unfortunately that just reminded me of the ill-advised headbanging in Andrew Castle’s tango last year. Poor Kristina. On paper they looked so good…
Martina Hingis and Matthew Cutler
Dance: rhumba
Music: Alone (Heart)
I had a good snigger to myself at the start of the routine when I recognised the song. "I wonder where you are tonight, no answer on the telephone." It’s always made me think of an anguished customer service adviser in a 24 hour call centre, desperate to close a sale. "How do I get you a loan? How do I get you a loan? A LOAN? A LOAN?!" The singer really couldn’t belt out the money notes on tune, though, which is tantamount to sacrilege.
Epic Heart power ballads aside, Martina’s rhumba didn’t move me. That may be because I was mostly watching Matthew, who just makes all his Latin dances look so effortless, or it may be that I was trying not to bias myself against Martina by avoiding looking at her TEETH. Like her waltz, the rhumba was both a bit stiff and a bit floppy.
Ricky Groves and Erin Boag
Dance: cha-cha-cha
Music: Jump For Your Love (Pointer Sisters)
I wasn’t a fan of Erin’s last cha (Austin’s routine to It’s Raining Men), but the producers pitched it exactly right as the final competitive dance of the night. After Ricky’s frozen-in-terror look in the waltz, I expected his cha to fizzle, but he must have had a few of the shandies Bruno was on last night, because it was fantastic. Well, it wasn’t fantastic as a cha-cha-cha, but it was a fabulous example of how to harness the power of personality and charm where talent is lacking. Ricky stomped, he flirted, he counted one-two-cha-cha-cha a lot – and it was brilliant. Before he danced I commented that he’d need to pull something out to avoid the bottom two based on his waltz – and he did exactly that.
That was it for the competitive dances. We then had some padding – rather a lot of padding as it transpired – to pass the time it took for the board to revolve. The new girls Aliona Vilani, Natalie Lowe and Katya Virshilas did a murky sort of samba-cha-salsa-ish pro dance with Matt, Ian and Brendan. Bruce talked to Darcey Bussell, whose nose completely transfixed me. They ran some VT of the celebs talking about dreams come true and journeys and all the usual guff. The judges repeated themselves. I made a cup of tea. Katherine Jenkins sang something and, right before they appeared on screen, I correctly predicted Vincent and Flavia would be doing a rhumba to it. The pro partnerships that don’t include at least one new foreign girl did another medley of stuff to the music of Sweet Charity, and Camilla and Tom reprised their acid trip of a showdance from last year. Sadly, they didn’t make the other group of celebs do their car-crash mambo routine again (I would have liked to see the "fighting to board a crowded tube train" part again).
The results
At (long) last we got to the dance-off, and as per usual the earnest assertion of "no particular order" just sounded ridiculous in the face of a close replication of the leaderboard positions. Ali and Brian, Chris and Ola, Ricky and Erin, Jade and Ian. Lynda and Darren – that’s the Loose Women vote, then. And finally Joe and the long-suffering Kristina (who must be torn between relief and despair), leaving Rav and Aliona and Matt and Martina to fight it out in the dance-off.
Though I preferred Rav’s rhumba to Martina’s (A LOAN!), I really thought the judges would make an example of him – first celebrity to dance and first to leave – and I felt very bad for him, because I’d probably have thrown a vote his way if I’d been watching live instead of watching camp centurions stomping up and down the O2 Arena. Given that it was inevitable Alesha would vote for Martina and Matt, things looked grim for Rav, and I even felt a pang for poor Aliona – told off by Len twice in her first two shows and on the verge of being kicked out first week. So it was a pleasant surprise that Martina got the push, because much as I like watching Matt, sometimes watching him dance with Martina meant I’d also catch sight of her TEETH. Maybe I’d have got used to them, like I’ve got used to Erin’s TEETH, but now we’ll never know.
Next week, I may miss Friday’s show because a certain individual has decided to have his leaving do on Friday night during Strictly, but I’ll catch up and blog as before. I’m predicting praise for Ricky Whittle, Zoe Lucker and Laila Rouass, mediocrity for Craig Kelly and slating for Natalie Cassidy, Phil Tufnell and poor, poor Richard Dunwoody, who may give Joe Calzaghe a run for his money…