Longest. Strictly. Ever. It’s Week Three!
Sunday, 4 October 2009
This week’s Strictly lasted approximately the same time as the last ice age. It’s one reason I’m grateful for Brucie. His jokes give the viewers at home a much-needed opportunity to nip out to the loo. I feel really sorry for the studio audience though.
Two years ago, there were enough couples to merit splitting the contestants into boys and girls for the first two weeks, so we never actually got more than twelve dances in a night. Now, under the Bigger Is Better BBC regime, we get fourteen even after two weeks of group shows. It was a long night. But on the bright side, quickstep and paso doble are good dances, and it could have been worse – it could have been foxtrot and salsa week. Oh, hang on, what does my TV guide say about next week’s show?
Oh. Goody.
Ali Bastian and Brian Fortuna
Dance: quickstep
Music: I Get A Kick Out Of You (Frank Sinatra)
Brian’s new haircut, while initially startling, actually kind of works in a Cyclops-from-the-X-Men-movies sort of way. Training had been looking good, despite Ali’s ankle injury, and the performance on the night was good, so I can only think that being on first worked against them with the judges trying not to mark too high. (That lasted all of the one dance though). I’m slightly worried Brian may have been taking dance face lessons from Karen Hardy and Camilla Dallerup though.
Lynda Bellingham and Darren Bennett
Dance: paso doble
Music: Devil Woman (Cliff Richard)
If we’re lucky, this will be the closest we’ll get to our annual Cliff Richard appearance on Strictly. I like Lynda, but a tiny part of me thinks Darren has that faraway look of "just a couple more weeks and Lilia and I will be free, FREE!" in his eyes. And he and Vincent had obviously gone shopping at the same cummerbund store. Anyway, it was a credible effort, but Len and Alesha’s 7s made me scoff. Only one point worse than Ali’s quickstep? You jest!
Chris Hollins and Ola Jordan
Dance: quickstep
Music: Dancin’ Fool (from Copacabana)
Tonight, Ola came dressed as the mutant hybrid of Krystal from Dynasty and a Mr Whippy, accessorised with some plastic orange earrings that I suspect came out of a Christmas cracker. I loved this partnership in week one, especially Chris’ rhumba, but the quickstep wasn’t good. I have the horrible feeling that, being one of the weaker pros in ballroom, Ola won’t be able to take Chris as far as he might otherwise with someone else. But they’re still cute.
Zoe Lucker and James Jordan
Dance: paso doble
Music: You’ve Got The Love (Candi Staton)
Worst. Music. Ever. Seriously, who thought this was appropriate for a paso doble? Did James make three Rage Against The Machine suggestions that the BBC didn’t like and end up with this as his punishment? Zoe can move, and she does lovely things with her arms, but it all felt quite static and passive without any drive or passion, and on that basis the judges’ scores seemed over-generous to me.
Rav Wilding and Aliona Vilani
Dance: quickstep
Music: We Go Together (from Grease)
We go together like…a lot of steps that don’t really work, and a partnership that somehow doesn’t either. Rav looked like he enjoyed the dance in spite of his partner and the choreography, and it was energetic enough, but it was just too much of a mess to get anything but criticism. The way the judges laid into Aliona was painful to watch, and I wonder why none of the other pros took her aside after the illegal lift/rhumba posing of Week One to give her some pointers of what flies and what doesn’t in Strictly. Maybe they did. One way or another, though, I think we could have 2009′s Hayley Holt on our hands. I just hope she doesn’t get an email from the BBC…
Natalie Cassidy and Vincent Simone
Dance: paso doble
Music: Malaguena (Connie Francis)
Finally some decent paso music to remind me just how much of a difference it makes in this dance. Something very bad was going on with Natalie’s hair – possible the make-up guys have been taking Bruno’s medication – and the energy of the dance ebbed and flowed, which may be a stamina issue that she needs to overcome. Overall, though, I liked it a lot, and thought it was vastly better than Lynda’s effort.
Craig Kelly and Flavia Cacace
Dance: quickstep
Music: Peroxide Swing (Michael Buble)
Yet another mind-boggling confection of hair, with Flavia looking a bit like the alien from, well, Alien, with her hair sticking out of the back of her head like that. It was more comfortable to watch than Craig, though. He looks good in rehearsals, but petrified on the floor, and any connection he might have with Flavia – or the music, or the dance – is lost. I honestly thought they were for the dance-off tonight.
Ricky Whittle and Natalie Lowe
Dance: paso doble
Music: Espana Cani (aka The Proper Paso Music)
So not only does Natalie score the best natural dancer for her first series, she also gets to use The Proper Paso Music. And Ricky does it justice all right. The trouble with someone who’s so good so early is it’s quite hard to say anything about him. If I were a betting person, I’d lay him to lose, because peaking too soon makes him vulnerable to an improver with a good story.
Jade Johnson and Ian Waite
Dance: quickstep
Music: Fascination (Alphabeat)
Has Ian ever done a bad quickstep? Denise, Zoe, Penny…ok, Jodie’s wasn’t brilliant, but it wasn’t horrible either. It’s just a good dance for him. The athleticism Jade brings to the party really showed, and their leap from the steps was especially impressive. She made a few mistakes, but for me it was the best quickstep of the night for energy and entertainment, and Jade also had one of the few good frocks of the whole evening…
Joe Calzaghe and Kristina Rihanoff
Dance: paso doble
Music: Livin’ On A Prayer (Bon Jovi)
This is my favouritest ever song to play drums to on Rock Band. So naturally I expected Dave Arch’s wonderful orchestra to murder it, and I wasn’t disappointed. It’s really not a surprise that the audience are saving Joe despite still being the worst dancer, because he’s plainly trying very hard, and so’s Kristina. Though I wasn’t certain if that flying leap over his shoulder at the end was part of the dance or just a cry for help…
Laila Rouass and Anton du Beke
Dance: quickstep
Music: Strike Up The Band (Tony Bennett)
I missed most of this dance, because someone phoned up to enquire about our show with Brian and Kristina during it. Which is fine – we still have a few tickets left – but DURING STRICTLY? Anyway, from what I saw it was very old-school, very traditional, very Anton…not desperately quick. Next week, Anton should be getting salsa. I wait with bated breath.
Jo Wood and Brendan Cole
Dance: paso doble
Music: Because The Night (Patti Smith)
He does love his power ballads, doesn’t he, our Brendan? Jo’s dress looked almost like it could have come off the peg from Laura Ashley, and Brendan’s shirt looked like they’d given it a last-minute sprinkle with that glitter you get in tubes from craft shops. It was a little bit like a rhumba, especially that part at the beginning where it sort of looked like Brendan was commiserating with Jo for having a bad headache, but I’m still enjoying seeing him go all protective, so I’m glad they survived.
Phil Tufnell and Katya Virshilas
Dance: quickstep
Music: Put On A Happy Face (Matt Monro)
Put on a happy face (because you have knee surgery in the morning). I’ll say this now – I thought this was chronically undermarked, and not out of sympathy for Phil. Ballroom is definitely his thing, and it would be a shame to lose him if the injury forces it. I fear salsa isn’t so far away from cha-cha that his next dance will be a big improvement, though, because his cha was a bit rubbish, but it’s very hard not to like Tuffers.
Ricky Groves and Erin Boag
Dance: paso doble
Music: One Vision (Queen)
Even after all the trouble Ricky took to point out that the final lyrics of this song are "Fried chicken", the band still got it wrong. Sigh. Brilliant performance, decent dancing, and Erin’s dress was fabulous (reminded me of Alesha’s quickstep dress), but it’s telling that once again they put Ricky’s comedy routine on last. If he has a foxtrot next week, it’s hard to know what they’ll do with it to make it funny…
The padding
After I’d recovered from the excitement of knowing that next week will be foxtrots and salsas all the way, it was time for…a couple of okay pro dances and a really rather awful salsa demonstration. Not that I know much about salsa, but the foxtrot was more exciting. Just sayin’. Matt/Aliona and Darren/Lilia made the best fist they could of finding a beat to dance on in Andy Williams’ rendition of Moon River. Was that it for padding? It must have been.
The dance-off
For me, it was between Rav, Craig, Jo, Joe and Lynda for the dance-off tonight, so no surprises when Rav and Lynda landed in the bottom two. Though I wonder why they made Zoe and James suffer for so long.
There wasn’t much suspense, though, as Rav went wrong at the very beginning of his quickstep reprise and almost seemed to shrug and give up. I feel for him, because he could only dance what he was given, and Aliona’s choreography just didn’t seem to suit him. Lynda, a consummate professional, held things together much better, and it was obvious from Darren’s body language that he knew they were safe even before the judges voted.
Next week: my two favourite dances. Except not really. Where’s the samba when you need it?