First night of Strictly – our verdict!
Friday, 18 September 2009
I still maintain that Strictly on a Friday night is Very Wrong. But what tonight’s show reminded us is that no matter what the bookies say, no matter how the papers hype up a couple, you have absolutely no idea how good they’ll really be until they sashay (or stomp) onto that dance floor for the first time.
First things first: that opening pro medley was gorgeous. Whoever choreographed it (a little bird tells me it was Erin and Matt) deserves a biscuit. It’s almost not fair to start with a blistering routine like that and then expect the shaking, petrified celebrities to follow it. (I’d think the pros would have been a bit moist and sweaty, too, which can’t have been that nice to dance with. Hint to anyone on the show who may be reading this: Driclor. Seriously.)
Rav Wilding and Aliona Vilani
I’m not the only one who shrieked “Illegal lift!”
Dance: tango
Music: Baby Did A Bad Bad Thing (Chris Isaak)
So Rav Wilding was in the fortunate – or unfortunate – position of coming out first. Fortunate because historically the first couple to dance has always made it to the final (Natasha Kaplinsky, Julian Clary, Darren Gough, Matt Dawson, Matt di Angelo, Tom Chambers), and the murmurs were that Rav should be a contender. He’s a good-looking chap with an engaging personality, and I liked him. Unfortunately, his tango didn’t excite me. Alesha (in her only really insightful comment of the night – more on that later though) called him “stompy”, and that was my remark too. He’s a big chap, so lightness of foot will probably be a challenge, but… Well, we’ve just had a new fridge-freezer delivered, one of those side-by-side American ones, and…do you see where I’m going with this? Oh yes, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who shrieked “Illegal lift!” at the end. Slappy wristy for new girl Aliona Vilani.
Ricky Groves and Erin Boag
Dance: waltz
Music: What’ll I Do (Alison Krauss), aka the theme tune from Birds of a Feather
Ricky, like pretty much everyone else, looked terrified, but after Mr Stompy I found his waltz with Erin rather endearing. The girl knows her ballroom routines, that’s for sure. And Brucie’s “old banger” quip gave her a rather nice opportunity to show off this year’s new addition to the Erin package: her sense of humour. Given that I singled Ricky out before the show as my choice to leave first, I think I’ve done him a disservice. It’ll be interesting to see what he does in the Latin tomorrow.
Chris Hollins and Ola Jordan
Dance: tango
Music: Sharp Dressed Man (ZZ Top)
Well, this was a complete surprise. To be fair, having seen Chris and Ola on BBC Breakfast this morning, I did think they had a good connection – better than we’ve yet seen for Ola – but their tango was an unexpectedly lively affair. Craig was cruel with his trout face comment. I though Chris sold his tango expression jolly well for a non-actor, and his footwork was sharper than anyone else’s. He could be the dark horse. Though if they get to the Viennese waltz…oh dear.
Jade Johnson and Ian Waite
Dance: waltz
Music: Weekend in New England (Barry Manilow)
I’m not sure I’ll ever warm to someone who can say, with a straight face, “long jump is my life”. My memories of long jump take me back to the halcyon days of being so bad at it that I was usually assigned the job of raking the sandpit instead of actually jumping, in case I hurt myself. Still, she has probably the best teacher of the lot, and Ian typically does a cracking job of choreography and partnering, too. Overall, I was slightly disappointed – Jade did stumble a few times, and there were more than a couple of moments when I thought Ian was manhandling her around, but she has something to build on. Latin will be interesting for her as the tall girl, though she’s not as big as Jodie or Penny, so there’s hope yet. (However, Ian’s hat in training? No. Just no.)
Martina Hingis and Matthew Cutler
Dance: waltz
Music: Jesse (Roberta Flacks)
Martina’s teeth bother me. There, I’ve said it.
The judges’ remarks that she was stiff up top but wobbly in the middle made perfect sense to me. Her topline looked all wrong – her left arm wasn’t resting comfortably on Matt’s elbow at all – but she did seem to lose all tension through her stomach at times. I’d earmarked Martina as this year’s Gabby – technically proficient but unpopular – but based on a rather unmemorable waltz, that may prove wrong. Matt, like Ian, always makes his partners look good in ballroom, but the control required for rhumba could find Martina out. I didn’t feel any connection or chemistry between them, and I’m not sure if Martina has the temperament for criticism, given her face when the judges made their remarks…
Lynda Bellingham and Darren Bennett
Dance: tango
Music: Under Pressure (Queen and David Bowie)
Darren’s tango face is an eternal treat
Token older woman Lynda had real gravy-tas. Yeah, I had to get that one out of my system. Anyway, I rather liked the musical choice (though the singers squawked once or twice on the high notes – Freddie M they ain’t), and from a choreographical point of view it was my favourite of the night. Darren really uses every high point of his music and there were some exquisite touches. I felt Lynda flagged as the dance went on, and by the end of it she looked very tired, but it was enjoyably acted. Also, Darren’s tango face is an eternal treat. (His hair, though – oh dear me…)
Ali Bastian and Brian Fortuna
Dance: waltz
Music: Reach Out And Touch (Aretha Franklin)
Well, their waltz was nice. Ali seems nice. Brian is very nice. It was a nice dance. (I hated the music.) Ali definitely had the most natural coordination and musicality of anyone we saw tonight. But it didn’t excite me. Perhaps excitement is too much to expect from a waltz at this stage of the competition? It’s not generally until later than we see the really cracking waltzes. I want to see some more connection and personality. Though I loved Brian’s reverse psychology in training. (But not his white jacket. He looked like a cruise ship wine waiter).
Joe Calzaghe and Kristina Rihanoff
Dance: tango
Music: Cite Tango (traditional)
They saved the best for last! Or – er – um – well, actually, they didn’t. I’m a bit baffled really. Maybe it was just pure nerves? But in direct defiance of all the hype, Joe really didn’t impress. To his credit, he did manage to keep his knees flexed throughout, but somehow there wasn’t much going on. I felt the music didn’t help – it didn’t seem to have any momentum (I was expecting a tempo increase at some point to give things a bit of impetus). Hopefully the cha-cha tomorrow will require a bit less acting and help Joe to relax into the dance a bit more, because I’d hate for Kristina to have another John Sergeant on her hands.
The judges
Actually, just seeing Len sitting in a different seat confused me nearly as much as the Strictly-on-Friday thing. I know they all sat in different places in the early series, but Len in Arlene’s seat? (I suppose they didn’t want the flak that would ensue from Alesha literally taking Arlene’s place.) Anyway, Len might be grateful not to have Bruno shouting in his ear, but he’s going to have to put up with Alesha’s Muttley laugh instead.
Craig was his usual delightfully acid self. (I did notice he avoided eye contact with Joe when he was criticising him, though). Long may it last, and if Darcey Bussell is going to replace him later in the series, I’ll miss his honesty.
Len was Len, and if I rolled my eyes when he broke out the “Se-VERN!” for the first time, at least he refrained from mentioning it was series se-VERN too.
Alesha: Strictly’s equivalent of nipples on the Batsuit
Alesha…how can I put this? Well, perhaps how I described it on Twitter: she’s the Strictly equivalent of nipples on the Batsuit. She’s just way out of her depth, and on the few occasions when Bruce asked her opinion first, I felt a bit sorry for her. “One word: fierce” does not justify a £100,000 salary. She’d have been much better in Tess’s backstage role, celebrating or commiserating with the celebs by turns as someone who really knew how it felt to be there.
However, what she lacked in value was entirely made up for by the force of nature that is Bruno Tonioli. Did he really tell Joe Calzaghe that he should go down on Kristina? I really hope he did, because that would rank up there with “produce her breast” in the all-time great Strictly slips of the tongue. Fabulous.
The group mambo
Tuffers literally elbowing his way through the crush made us howl
And that brings me to the group mambo. I’m going to steal from my own Tweets again – twice. Overall, it was like seeing kids run into each other, knock heads and fall down. You know you shouldn’t be laughing at their pain – but it’s just so funny. As we saw last year especially, these complicated early group dances are a complete recipe for disaster. And then there was that glorious moment in the middle when it all went hideously wrong, with dancers and celebrities resembling nothing so much as a crowd of Emperor penguins attempting to find their mates. Tuffers literally elbowing his way through the crush to find his partner made us howl.
It did show us the potential of next week’s line-up, though. Ricky Whittle already looks like the one to beat, and both Zoe Lucker and Laila Rouass looked good. Sadly my favourite, Richard Dunwoody, looked completely and utterly lost – enjoying himself, but totally bewildered. Maybe his ballroom will be better…or maybe not.
Anyway, an entertaining, interesting and ultimately rather surprising night. I’m out tomorrow night, so I won’t be blogging the Latin round and results until Sunday morning.
But what do you guys think? Post your comments!